It’s like the Easter Show, but for sex.
If you’re offended by the following words, now is the time to stop reading: penis, vagina, bum, boobs, nipples, clit, dildo, vibrator, fleshlight, cock, stripper, sex… No? Good…
I didn’t know what to expect from Sexpo, I mean sure I had seen the ads on the sides of buses and on YouTube, and it has the word Sex in the name so I didn’t expect it to be as tame as a bible convention, but I sure as hell didn’t expect it to be as graphic as it was.
For those who have never been to Sexpo or even heard of it – imagine the Easter show, but for sex. Sex toys, sex show bags, sex stalls, sex rides (in the form of strippers) and sex shows. I’m no prude so I was well informed about everything I was going to see and touch long before entering the event, but when I walked through the door and the first thing I saw was a naked man painting a beautiful portrait with his flaccid penis, I knew my mind was going to be blown.
For a completely heterosexual male, Sexpo would have been incredibly boring. All the girls were in skimpy outfits, sure, but none had their vaginas on display and hardly any had their boobs out.
There were also limited stalls for men – the majority of the stalls were selling vibrators (oh so many vibrators) and dildos and slutty outfits and bondage gear for women to wear. The toys available for men were limited to simple fleshlights (Google it – on incognito mode) and cock rings – some of which vibrated. The male orientated showbags were expensive and sexist compared to the female ones: about $70 and containing a remote control car or helicopter… insinuating all men enjoy flying ridiculous paraphernalia around in the air. Female showbags ranged from a shady $20 to upward of $100. So, for gay men or women – it would have been a lot of fun!
Most of the males manning sex-related stalls or in the strip shows were simply wearing a toolbelt and not much else. A few toolbelts were somewhat elevated: I’ll let you figure out why. Private shows were held in the “ladies lounge” where men literally dry-humped audience members before stripping down to a towel. They would then expose their well-groomed genitals to select female audience members before flashing the audience quickly and exiting the stage… no such female display for men. Have a read below to find out what happened when one of my female Sexpo co-visitors had a run-in with the law in the Ladies Lounge.
As at the Easter Show, there was a main stage with dancers on display for everyone to see at once, another point I thought was odd. The men got completely nude – usually either covering their genitalia with a hand or a towel, and yes, the women stripped, almost, retaining little devices such as stars or tassles, and none dropped their g-strings.
I’m sorry, but why you no get naked too? The guy did it? Was it because they were concerned for the safety of these women or did the women protest against full exposure? Even my female accomplices commented on the lack of boob.
Overall it was incredibly eye-opening and, as in all aspects of life, everyone was trying to sell you something – usually vibrators. The stall holders enjoyed letting you test the vibrators on your hand before purchasing. Let me tell you, most of them would have burnt your clit off, so props to the women who bought them.
And, oh, leave the Zegna suit at home when you visit a Sexpo. I was covered in lube by the end of the day, which made eating lunch interesting. But it was well worth the $24 entry fee and, as with the Easter Show, I left with a showbag. – Zachary Pittas
Top photo by Bree Hetherington.