I recently had dates with two men. One didn’t want to have sex; one just wanted sex. At least that was my take. The dates didn’t go any further. I was talking to a girlfriend about it and she said, “You want someone you can’t get.” I kind of agreed with her. Why is that? Am I too picky? Down and dating.
Dear Down and Dating,
First dates are almost always awkward. It depends on what you want to get out of a date. Are you looking for sex or looking for a chat? Personally, I believe first dates are best left to conversation, it removes any awkward expectations. Once you decide what you want, it will be easier to choose your dates and lessen the chance of disappointment.
I don’t believe that you’re too picky. It takes two people to make a date – it’s not entirely your fault if it doesn’t work out. Your desires matter just as much as your date’s. I would encourage you to value who you are and what you look for in a person. Confidence is an attractive quality, so don’t let anyone take it from you.
Unfortunately, you’ve asked the opinion of a highly-strung optimist so I’m inclined to disagree with your friend. If you have a checklist of characteristics, then yes it’s nigh impossible to find someone who ticks all the boxes.
People tell me that my particular story is an impossible dream for everyone else. I decided that I wouldn’t have sex before marriage… and guess what, I found someone (my husband) who had made the same decision. I didn’t lower my standards just because I wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. If I had, I doubt I would be married right now.
For your amusement Marie Claire has some funny dating stories that will probably make you feel like the bees knees.